Monster

Funny - I always thought that I would be a calm, collected, funky, and headstrong kind of bride...Maintaining my identity and personality while professing my love to my dearest with a bit of humor mixed into the vows. Right. That dream is so far from my hell of bridal anxiety that it does give me some room to laugh at my former, innocent self. I don't even have the energy to WRITE my own vows - we are settling for the "I do" variety, a 5 minute ceremony, and I can't even recall the music I chose for the cello trio.

I have finally gotten my dress out of the clutches of my tailor, who was quick to tell me that I "look beautiful in that dress...Not pregnant at all! A little thick, but not pregnant. Not like you was the skinniest to begin with." Nice, thanks.

I arose at 5:45 this morning, washed down my bitterness and anxiety with a Diet Coke, and loaded up in full bridal gear (dress, jewelry, gloves, veil). THIS is what I am talking about. Nothing like a crazy-ass bride prancing around at 6 AM in her wedding dress in raccoon mascara eyes lingering from the prior day's makeup application, trying to dodge the Bad Cat Agnes who was terribly interested in riding along my train by digging in her nails and surfing along.

9 days. I can't imagine this hell ending. But I still love the Handsome Fiance. He is my favorite.