Officially one week from the wedding that will happen. it will it will.

I spoke with Handsome's mother last night and tried to express my appreication for the family's trouble right now, and to tell them that I do love them, but I need to remove myself from this situation, as this is between THEM and HANDSOME. I thought I had saved at least my own day, but no. Nope. Nada. Whatever. I am out of the loop. I really hope they fix it or whatever so that I can get onto being an excited bride.

kneejerk name change?

So, truth be told, the whole name change announcement went over pretty poorly with Handsome’s parents…sure, I can understand that – momentarily. But I hardly think it deserved the campaign of hysterical phone calls (to me) and incoherent emails (to him), all attempting to get him to change his mind.

Honestly.

This isn’t the kind of announcement that a grown man would make to his parents without a ton of previous consideration.

Adding more to the fire, they seem to have also forgotten that I told them that the baby would have my last name. In their world, they have decided that the jumping bambino would be far more confused by the parents sharing the same last name (Devine) than by having two separate last names (Devine and Handsome’s last name). (Say What?) I hardly think the bean is going to be all that confused by anything having to do with names throughout his or her future. Really.

So, assuming the parents are still going to allow this wedding to continue, I will meet with my wedding planner – yes, too gay to sit on the furniture just the way I like my wedding planners – tomorrow evening to review the final details and get down to the full payment of the entire gig. I forgot that we said we wanted pomegranate sherbet ($1.75 per head) in between courses. I say yes…and boy, were we just so creative back then before all this madness! Pomegranate sherbet, huh! We have since cancelled a cheese platter ($4.25 a head) and the chocolate truffles to accompany the mousse ($3.75 a head). It is amazing how things add up. Cheese platter? AFTER dinner? Where did that come from? We may have been creative but a tad overzealous.

8 days. 8.

DEVINE

Apparently, Handsome has just told his mother that he has decided to take my last name. (Well, wouldn't you?) She isn't happy, I don't think. I can't imagine the mountain of phone calls we are going to have to avoid for the next nine days.

Good God.

Monster

Funny - I always thought that I would be a calm, collected, funky, and headstrong kind of bride...Maintaining my identity and personality while professing my love to my dearest with a bit of humor mixed into the vows. Right. That dream is so far from my hell of bridal anxiety that it does give me some room to laugh at my former, innocent self. I don't even have the energy to WRITE my own vows - we are settling for the "I do" variety, a 5 minute ceremony, and I can't even recall the music I chose for the cello trio.

I have finally gotten my dress out of the clutches of my tailor, who was quick to tell me that I "look beautiful in that dress...Not pregnant at all! A little thick, but not pregnant. Not like you was the skinniest to begin with." Nice, thanks.

I arose at 5:45 this morning, washed down my bitterness and anxiety with a Diet Coke, and loaded up in full bridal gear (dress, jewelry, gloves, veil). THIS is what I am talking about. Nothing like a crazy-ass bride prancing around at 6 AM in her wedding dress in raccoon mascara eyes lingering from the prior day's makeup application, trying to dodge the Bad Cat Agnes who was terribly interested in riding along my train by digging in her nails and surfing along.

9 days. I can't imagine this hell ending. But I still love the Handsome Fiance. He is my favorite.

Wedding with jumping beans

I recently spent a Sunday afternoon with a pleasant and hip group of folks who all knew each other either from a blog, from online discussion boards, or from the successful grouping of "Rock and Romp" events that have been taking place for the past few years. This rocking and romping idea was something that my fiance had tapped into through his own adventures in blogging - and found this group of people who were setting up shows in their backyards to promote a party to include parents AND their kids in a safe environment, full with keg and cool attendees as well. Meeting these folks was a relief to me: There ARE people out there who make this parenting thing work while maintaining their own identities and social groups. Right on, right on, right on. Heading into month 4 of my pregnancy, I was scared that I may never taste a margarita or sing kareoke again. But this is still possible, and these folks were making it happen.

After unsuccessfully trying to contribute to a conversation regarding blogs and whatnot with the ladies, I mentioned that perhaps I didn't have a blog as I didn't think my life was interesting enough to share...one of the girls responded that perhaps I just wasn't self-absorbed enough. So here is to giving it a shot, as I am no longer spending my time pontificating about my life on a bar stool. And I am absolutely sure that I am self-absorbed enough to post on here at least once in a while.

There are 12 days left until my wedding...12 days! I thought for sure that this would be a more exciting time, but really, there is more panic and weird shout-outs to people asking for help than I imagined I would be doing at this point. It is freezing here, I am worried that in 12 days it could be snowing rather than the typical 75 degrees Baltimore has in May. My dress seems to be in a hostage-type situation with my tailor...she had to add six inches to the dress (SIX INCHES!) in order to compensate for the growing bambino. SIX INCHES. Can't say I ever thought that would be a part of my wedding preparations. And she has had some trouble in meeting the tailoring deadlines. We still haven't mapped out the ceremony. We finally picked a song to dance to...HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK ALL DAY AND PLAN A WEDDING...we have a schedule planned out by the catering company which has now become my bible. So so much to do. I just want the party to get here. And can I just say that being pregnant is amazing but I am so VERY upset that I can't drink at my wedding. It just doesn't seem fair.

Well, that felt good. Maybe my life is interesting enough to blog out.