The Bean Has Sprouted

Gosh, so, SHE'S HERE! And at 20 days of life, my little perfect Bean has rocked our worlds.

Funny, reading through my previous posts...I really had absolutely NO idea what we were in for...not the overwhelming love, the constant worrying, the zombie-like sleep deprivation mask I now wear, not the amazingly tender emotions I have watching Handsome care for our girl...and certainly not the deep satisfaction of holding her and watching her take in her new world, wanting to simultanously share it with her and save her from it.

Of course I remember what my life was like 21 days ago before in the middle of making a spaghetti dinner for Handsome my water broke and everything changed, but WHO CARES? That life seems fine, okay, I had an amazing year before she got here full of great moments, but WOW I cannot express how much more EVERYTHING means now. And hell, I think I have morphed into a gusher! Huh.

14 hours of labor, three rounds of attempts to keep my epidural wokring (which continuosly failed), screaming at the hospital staff regarding thier obvious mistake in screwing up my epidural and to get it working 'cause what the hell else SHOULD they be doing?, bargaining with the various Gods for relief, two very long hours of pushing the Bean out into the world, screaming at Handsome that he was COUNTING TOO SLOWLY during my pushing efforts, and one hell of an episiotimy (sp? regardless, it was a bitch) resulted in only what I can describe as the most perfect little girl I have ever laid eyes on. Wouldn't you agree?

Lucky for me, my Mother was able to fly from Florida a week later, and she saved me from my household chaos of cat hair and unprepared attempts at arranging things to accomodate the Bean. She made sense of our small rowhouse, helped me to realize that I can care for the Bean and that I am doing okay, got my post-partum blues in check, sent Handsome and I out on a date for my birthday, convinced us not to mix formula with TAP water (duh?), and taught us how to bathe the poor dirty baby. And we have had other visiting members who have given Handsome and and I ample breaks from changing diapers and mixing up formula.

As I type this, I am sitting in my bookstore, wishing for a customer or two, but thrilled to be here. I miss my Bean quite terribly, but it is nice to restore some kind of order to my world, even though I remain prepared that this semi-false sense of security will be shaken up in a few hours.

Handsome's parents are in town and want to host a dinner at our house tonight for the family...which means 8 of us (and three felines) playing musical chairs with the limited seating we can offer, not to mention the total lack of dining space (as in, a total lack of a dining table or any kind of appropriate eating space). I couldn't really say NO when the suggestion was made (No, do not feed the family? I just didn't have it in me!). So it will be interesting, as my adventures with my in-laws usually are. Hopefully the baby will not get too over-stimulated with the company and the cats won't shit in their box until after the meal has been consumed by all.

And I will survive this dinner thing with a smile on my face, because in two short days, I can resume my 24-hour pajama parties and will have Handsome and my Bean all to myself again.

12 days, or light at the end of the tunnel?

CRIPES! I am still pregnant.

The bean isn't officially due for another 12 days, but this has GOT to end.

I know that everyone advises to "enjoy" this quiet time before her arrival, but how is that possible when I have to roll myself off the couch every 15 minutes to pee, when my dreams are focused on Paris Hilton's engagement breakup (I have no excuse or explanation for that one), when my cats think it is the new game to stay up and play with me all night long, and when I have eaten us out of every food item??? Please, have mercy!

Okay - and eating spicy foods, having sex, and walking long distances has done NOTHING to naturally induce labor as we all have heard. Nada. The Bitch doctor - who has since apologized for listing me as a druggie with Baltimore City and another tox screen (clean one, obviosuly) has been submitted to the city - even tried to thin my membranes this past Tuesday, which supposedly sends her patients into labor within a day. NOT ME! Nope! Still here with 35 lbs of preggo self silently screaming for relief and maybe some pancakes with whipped cream?

And my face is fat. I swear it is.

Handsome and I have decided that we would like to try this bringing home baby thing alone, without the barrage of family and friends for the first couple of days...I want time to be with my new family, and although help will be MOST welcome and needed in the coming weeks, I want to really cocoon myslef into our little rowhouse and marvel at this new beginning with the two of them, even if my dream of warm and fuzzy moments are stomped on by crying and sore nipples and sleep deprivation. I am not sure it will feel real until we bunker down and figure things out a bit before bringing in the troops.

Well, if you are reading this, please send me a positive thought or two, and wishes for labor.